What Reasonable Car Would you buy for Your Worst Enemy.

"HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles" (hondasfordsvolvo) 02/14/2016 at 22:54 • Filed to: It is a tiny Japanese Aztec

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Lets say you recently filthy rich, Like U.A.E. oil baron rich. What car would you buy for you worst enemy. You hate this person. You want to make their like hell, humiliate them, make them cry, maybe even make their friends hate them.

The car above doesn’t actually exist, and lets keep this limited to new cars, because it’s to easy to just say a you’d give them a poorly maintained 200,000 miles 1.8t 2002 Jetta.

So I’ll pick a Juke Nismo Edition.

It’s ugly, it’s impractical, but also not fun, or luxurious the only two reasons for a car to be impractical. But not only that, it’s also BOLD, BRASH and LOUD. Only a person weird enough to like this thing would buy it. So you get to make it look like you worst enemy spent 25,000 dollars on this rolling, tribute to horrible taste. Also it would be automatic.

EL_ULY > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 22:56

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Something from Europe, especially the UK and old.

Also, GIB NISMO Juke!!! Much WANT!

CB > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 22:57

4

A Mitsubishi Mirage with the A/C unit filled with bees.

TheJWT > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 22:58

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http://oppositelock.kinja.com/oh-boy-craigsl…

fhrblig > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 22:59

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Fiat 500L with the dual-clutch transmission. Nice car, but it will ALWAYS be in the shop for repairs.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 22:59

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I’d totally rock a Juke Nismo RS.

My citroen won't start > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:00

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I-Miev.

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > TheJWT 02/14/2016 at 23:01

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hahahahahaha

Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:01

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a high mileage audi allroad

No Prius Needed > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:03

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Since you said we will be oil baron rich, I will restart production of the PT Loser and Chevy HHR. I will then start a rental car company using these cars and once they have been abused, give them all to my worst enemy.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:03

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Nissan versa. CVT or manual. They’re both bad

Alfalfa > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:05

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I actually kind of like the Juke, but would never pay for one. So I would drive the hell out of a free one.

Connqr > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:05

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A Murano CC but stanced and lowered and an infotainment system from the mid 90's plus the first CVT ever made and the gas tank from a Pinto. Wait forget the last one, it would put them out of their misery too quick. So, make them look stupid, be uncomfortable and be very annoyed by bad tech.

FromCanadaWithLove > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:06

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Mirage.

MLGCarGuy > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:06

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Versa Note S in Metallic Peacock.

My enemy loves technology and loves to brag about his wealth. So let’s stick him in a car of the exact opposite - manual locks, windows, seats, and transmission, with just a basic AM/FM radio.

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > No Prius Needed 02/14/2016 at 23:08

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You are just diabolical. I love it.

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:10

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I don’t think I need to explain my choice.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > MLGCarGuy 02/14/2016 at 23:12

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I love that color. haha it’s the only reason I thought about buying a Versa Note for my wife. thankfully we found a FIt in a fun color for her instead.

PanchoVilleneuve ST > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:13

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As someone who has driven a Juke Nismo RS, they’re fun as hell what are you talking about?

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 02/14/2016 at 23:13

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I hate the Juke as a whole. It’s style over substance, and for me in this instance it doesn’t pay off, plus the Nismo RS can only be manual if it’s FWD.

Frenchlicker > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/14/2016 at 23:14

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I'll take the position as your worst enemy. I want to thrash one of those so much.

MLGCarGuy > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:14

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I don’t mind Metallic Peacock, especially on the SR:

But I’m pretty sure the guy hates colors like these.

scoob > TheJWT 02/14/2016 at 23:15

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Came here for this

Under_Score > fhrblig 02/14/2016 at 23:16

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That’s excellent. And the dealer loaner would be another Fiat vehicle with the problematic transmission. 

ranwhenparked > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:16

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I don’t know, what’s the worst car in the list of ones affected by the Takata recalls? Here, have a piece of shit that will also shoot shrapnel at you if you crash.

Wheelerguy > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:17

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But my worst enemy is Bernie Ecclestone.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > PanchoVilleneuve ST 02/14/2016 at 23:17

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I don’t believe you, also I hate the Juke on so many levels. I mean why buy a tall hatchabck, with no cargo space? The design of the body waste so much potential utility, and to me doesn’t look good either. It’d the poor mans X6.

not for canada - australian in disguise > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:17

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I’ve got three options.

Second gen Hyundai Accent Sedan. Because it’s tinny, flimsy, woefully underpowered, and completely uninspired. And it looks like a

turd.

Any lifted bro-truck. Bad on fuel, obnoxious, everyone will think you have a small penis, and it’s completely impossible to get into.

Citroen Pluriel. Why? Because, in Canadaland, a convertible is pretty much a paperweight during the winter. And, as Top Gear proved, the car is pretty much the worst convertible ever, with shitty driving dynamics and a shitty roof. Shitty. This one’s not technically available in Canada just yet, 2 more years till you can import one, but it’s too shitty to leave out.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > not for canada - australian in disguise 02/14/2016 at 23:19

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The Bro truck should be 2wd too, so it’ll also get stuck, and or spin off the highway in Canada.

shop-teacher > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:19

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I disregard your rules, and buy them the absolute nicest dust buster van out there. Those things are gadamn torture devices to drive.

not for canada - australian in disguise > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:21

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Definitely. And summer tires, year round.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > MLGCarGuy 02/14/2016 at 23:22

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I like how personal you’re making this.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 02/14/2016 at 23:24

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Oh I thought of something more maniacal. An Ecoboost Mustang with the turbo removed.

Milky > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:26

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Goddamnit.

Im tired of owning a Chrysler.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > not for canada - australian in disguise 02/14/2016 at 23:26

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Okay that’s just borderline attempted murder. Also isn’t that illegal in most of Canada, like don’t you have to run winter rated tires form October to March?

El Rivinado > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:27

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Nissan Altima with the CVT option and the 2.5 4 cylinder engine.

not for canada - australian in disguise > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:30

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Only in Quebec. People here in Alberta sometimes drive sketchy as hell Cavaliers and the like with summer tires on, completely forgetting how bad our winters can be.

marshknute > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:32

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Huh? I’ve only heard good things about the Juke. And I think it’s the ONLY good-looking car in Nissan’s current portfolio (especially in Nismo guise).

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > not for canada - australian in disguise 02/14/2016 at 23:33

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Oh, I wish snow tires were required by law here, and I wish studded tire weren’t illegal. I live in northern Wisconsin, right on Lake Superior btw. AKA “almost Canada”

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > Frenchlicker 02/14/2016 at 23:35

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I never thought I’d hear those words.

marshknute > MLGCarGuy 02/14/2016 at 23:36

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I’d actually pay extra to have a car painted in Metallic Peacock. Like BMW individual, or McLaren MSO, because that's a really gorgeous color!

Frank Grimes > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:41

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A brand new S class with the motor from a smart car, also I vandalize it whenever I want for fun.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/14/2016 at 23:41

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No block heater either. That way, it has to run all the time or, once stopped and it’s frozen, it will stay that way until the spring thaw!

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > marshknute 02/14/2016 at 23:44

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But it’s a tall hatchback, SUVish thing with the cargo space of a Ford Fiesta. That’s the cost of that tapered, and sloping roof line. It’s like they designed it to be as inefficient as possible.

marshknute > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/15/2016 at 00:03

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So it’s a car with the maneuverability of a Fiesta, but with better sight lines, easier ingress/egress, a trunk that’s at a more convent height, and enough ground clearance to keep the undercarriage safely above curbs and snow? Sounds like it’s actually a more usable car than a Fiesta.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > marshknute 02/15/2016 at 00:05

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Eh I’d rather be nice and low.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > marshknute 02/15/2016 at 00:07

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The thing is its actually much longer and wider than a Fiesta, or what ever, but not much more useful, why have a bigger car, that can’t haul more. The car your thinking of is a Honda fit.

MLGCarGuy > marshknute 02/15/2016 at 00:15

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On a car like the 650S, it might actually work.

MSO has done Bentley colors before, why not a Nissan color?

V8Demon - Prefers Autos for drag racing. Fite me! > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/15/2016 at 00:25

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A new Aston Martin sans warranty.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/15/2016 at 00:43

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Base model Tata Nano in this outrageous yellowish green color. We’re taking the smallest steelies I’ve ever seen on a car (12" wheels!), poverty spec bumpers, no radio, no vents, no power anything, four speeds of fury, 37hp of pure sadness, 0-37mph in 30 seconds, and a theoretical top speed of 65mph (would take you minutes to attain, if you even could).

Runner up would be almost any model targeting average buyers produced by a Chinese company for the Chinese domestic market.

If we have to go with something sold in the US, there’s only one answer: Chevy Aveo.

Apparently I'm a sadistic bastard.

Burn-Spaz1966-Burn > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/15/2016 at 00:58

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http://www.toyota.com/camry/photo-ga…

Mint condition with warranty and free maintenance for life of car so the car just rolls on and on and on..........

PetarVN, GLI Guy, now with stupid power > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/15/2016 at 01:05

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I’d buy my worst enemy the pinto plane car.

and then I’d go skeet shooting, with this!

also about the juke: drive one with a stick, it’s actually a very nice car to drive!

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/15/2016 at 01:38

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A Fiat 500L - the least reliable new car on sale. The fact that it’s uncomfortable, ugly, and expensive to service is just icing on the cake.

m-b-w loves his SUBAROO > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/15/2016 at 02:03

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A base model Nissan Versa with something dead in the trunk and a broken trunk latch.

pip bip - choose Corrour > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/15/2016 at 02:17

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Tapas > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/15/2016 at 02:25

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A 1980s jeep slammed to the ground with original Mini wheels.

Alternatively, a Murano Cabriolet.

Svart Smart, traded in his Smart > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/15/2016 at 03:18

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I’d get him some kind of chassis cab (regular cab) dually truck, longest wheelbase possible, preferably in manual so it’s one more thing he has to learn. It would be a big, impractical, fuel-drinking nightmare for urban commuting and parking.

NET625 > marshknute 02/15/2016 at 03:40

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I test drove on with a manal. The roof is the same height as my 08 rabbit but because it's pretending to be an suv it has way less space inside and less glass too. Then driving it was ok but with a ton of body roll and no low end torque because it's a 1.6l turbo 4. Also the dealer quoted me something like 23k before taxes and after incentives. There are so many cars that I would rather have then a juke.

NET625 > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/15/2016 at 03:47

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Manual non turbo veloster. The engine and steering are terrible. One of the worst cars I’ve driven. Also I feel like the dash would be a rattley mess after 2 years.

Frenchlicker > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/15/2016 at 04:45

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I don't think it's worth its price tag but if it's free I will take it.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > Eric @ opposite-lock.com 02/15/2016 at 06:49

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The Aveo’s place would go to the Spark now, but an Aveo is the correct answer. They are e awful.

boxrocket > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/15/2016 at 06:56

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Camaro copo because it would allow Darwinism to be in effect, since you can’t see out, and the copo doesn’t come with airbags AFAIK. But I wish no malice on anyone and don’t have any enemies, so moot point.

boxrocket > marshknute 02/15/2016 at 06:57

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I’d give the fiesta better sight lines over the juke, unless you mean height-based. Then I’d counter with a B-Max or EcoSport, both Fiesta-based.

Eric @ opposite-lock.com > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 02/15/2016 at 09:06

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The Spark is still a truly depressing car, but it has nothing on the Aveo.

However, even these two cars are at least built for the bottom of our market. The others on my list can't even touch that. Check out the poverty spec Nano. This is a new car that can be purchased for $2-3k. No joke.

nerd_racing > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/15/2016 at 09:25

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an un fixed cobalt with an 8 lb key chain.

AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC > Frenchlicker 02/15/2016 at 15:46

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I think the question now becomes, what car would you absolutely refuse even if it were free?

Frenchlicker > AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC 02/15/2016 at 16:15

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That's a very hard question to answer. It would have to be one that has absolutely no creature comforts or redeeming qualities of any kind.

Chasaboo > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 02/16/2016 at 01:43

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Volkswagen, any Volkswagen.